A Little Perspective: From the Outside Looking In

I started taking notes for my books.

I need to reiterate—I wasn’t out here like that at all. I know a lot of y’all are Disney princesses like Belle, with home libraries && the book tabs &&& all the highlighters for notes… But I do not.

I spent the last four years in an autistic burnout that kept me trapped in my own broken auric field on a loop. I could only drown it out with TV. Really traumatic shows—Game of Thrones, Outlander… Then I slowly made the switch to video games, which I hadn’t played in over ten years.

I had a box of books, and when I tried to read, it felt as if the world outside me was closing in and I wouldn’t survive. It felt as if I might be swallowed whole by words I couldn’t even begin to focus on.

When you feel mentally unsafe, you cannot sit and read. Reading requires letting go of things around you & focusing. It was absolutely not mentally safe to do that.

I think people need to understand this.

I’ve noticed that most in this community have a safe environment—or at least feel safe enough to go all the way into their books and live there.

That in itself is a privilege that many who live in trauma after everything has happened do not get, because they haven’t reached that level of healing yet.

Me being able to read again, like I did as a child when I felt my safest, is such a gift from God. Maybe someday I’ll share my story, or maybe I’ll break down and write a book… It’s hard to relive the things you have yet to fully heal. It all becomes so real. And I think that’s why I’m so happy to share that not only am I reading every single day—sometimes too often (like, get up and do the laundry right now, girl)—but now I’m taking notes of things I want to remember.

When I started this blog, it was really just a way for me to remember what I’ve read. My brain loves to compartmentalize TV shows and books, and I will immediately forget them. So I thought to myself—I can start a blog. Maybe then others can see the reviews and, if they want, read the books too. But somehow, it has become something… so much more.

A type of freedom for me. After years of being the brand (a model), I’m finally able to just share something I love—no strings attached. No need to show up in a way that others deem appropriate. I can simply be me. I’m enjoying connecting with so many others who also feel the same—who haven’t felt connected to humans or even this world due to the expectations placed upon us. That has elicited a type of loneliness that only our fantasy books seem to satiate.

I love this space because, for the first time, I feel truly seen, heard, and understood—without ever having to show my face.

I think that’s something we’ve all been yearning for, and the more time I spend here, the more apparent it becomes.

So this is not a review, just a little insight for those who may not have considered it.

If you have safety, love, and support—I’m so happy for you. You deserve to be loved. We all do. But some simply don’t have the income to buy tons of books and sit and read, because they are actively in the throes of trying to survive.

Like, have you ever noticed how (with the exception of Violet Sorrengail) our characters aren’t sitting and reading? They’re usually fighting, surviving, loving, attempting a feat of wonder. Reading is a wealthy pastime in that time is valuable, and so many are forced to choose survival over the joys of reading.

I just want to remind the world of that. It’s easy to forget when your day-to-day needs are met—hard to see anything else when they are not met. I hope you choose kindness for those who may not have those needs met but have been conditioned to feel shame for the things they cannot help. Kindness is a type of fuel that can sometimes go so much further than even food or water. (But that always helps too.)

I hope you feel gratitude for your life and the beauty within it. I spent so many years lost in grief that I lost the ability to see the beauty…

It’s finally coming back to me again.

I wish that for all who have lost sight of the beauty due to pain.

You are worthy of feeling the sun and love again.

Never forget that sweet light.

<3

All the whimsical love and support.

L.P.